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NYC DEBUTANTE REPORT
Gracie Hadland
11.11.21

IN NEW YORK, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE IS GETTING ENGAGED BUT EVERYONE IS ALSO POLYAMOUROUS, INFORMALLY. GETTING ENGAGED AT 23 IS THE NEW JOINING THE PEACE CORPS OR DOING PORN. IT’S WHAT OUR GRANDPARENTS WERE DOING TWO GENERATIONS AGO. ARE WE REALLY ALWAYS JUST GOING IN CIRCLES?...WE WATCH OUR PEERS BEGIN TO MAKE FINANCIAL DECISIONS, MARRYING FOR MONEY OR A GREEN CARD. GONE ARE THE DAYS OF BISEXUALITY AND CHEAP COCAINE FROM TOWNIES AND 16MM FILMS ABOUT OUR ADOLESCENT CONSCIOUSNESS FORMING IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. TIME TO GET SERIOUS, GET A DOG, THINK ABOUT REPRODUCING, START WORKING FOR ONE’S PARENTS. 

SNAKES ON A PLANE
On James Hannaham’s Pilot Imposter by
Quinn Roberts
11.3.21

CLAUDIA RANKINE TELLS JOKES. VANESSA PLACE TELLS JOKES. LOORIE MOORE TELLS JOKES. RACHEL CUSK TELLS JOKES. BEN LERNER TELLS JOKES.

RETURN OF THE REAL
a monthly column by
Phoebe Kaufman
10.5.21

“TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE,” SAYS TRUE DETECTIVE’S RUST COHLE. “EVERYTHING WE HAVE DONE OR WILL DO WE WILL DO OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN--FOREVER.”

SPRING FEVER
She D
9.30.21

RIDE WITH YOURSELF, THE THING YOU WERE HESITATING TO DO, DO IT, WINTER IS COMING ANF WE ARE SOON ALL GOING TO BE DEAD. I’M SERIOUS. SO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. LIKE REALLY, MAKE GOOD WITH YOUR MINIONS, FLOW OUT, MAKE ME PROUD.

ATIVAN WORKS
Myles Zavelo
8.27.21

I AM LIVING WITH OTHER MEN IN LOS ANGELES NOW. THIS IS A STEP-DOWN FACILITY. THEY MAKE DECLARATIONS HERE. THEY SAY THINGS LIKE...ANOREXIC BITCHES ARE BETTER FUCKS THAN BULIMIC BITCHES. THEY DON’T SAY WOMEN.  THEY LIKE RUB-AND-TUGS. THEY’VE GAINED WEIGHT ON ZYPREXA AND SEROQUEL AND CLOZAPINE AND DEPAKOTE. THEY HAVE POOR TABLE MANNERS. THEY HAVE BLOWHARD DADS. SOME HAVE COMPLIANT MOTHERS. THAY ARE SDSU GRADUATES AND USC DROPOUTS. THEY HAVE ACCESS TO THE VERY BEST PORNOGRPAHY. THEY ARE PSYCHOTIC UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF MARIJUANA. THEY SUFFER FROM BODY DYSMORPHIA. THEY DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITIES OF FASTING. THEY LOVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL. THIS IS ALL PART OF MY TREATMENT. WHAT I WANTED, ASKED FOR, AND GOT. BECAUSE I NEEDED SOMETHING...

THE ONLY PERSON YOU HURT IS YOURSELF
Claire Donato
8.25.21

SIFTING THROUGH A PLASTIC CONTAINER OF CHILDHOOD EPHEMERA, I FIND A PHOTOGRAPH OF MY HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND. WE MET WHEN I WAS 14 AND HE WAS 17. HE HAD BLACK HAIR, AND I WAS OVERWEIGHT. TO WOO ME, HE WROTE MY NAME IN THE SAND AT THE BEACH AND TOOK A PHOTOGRAPH OF IT, WHICH I HUNG IN A FRAME ABOVE MY BED. SOMETIMES WHILE I MASTURBATED, I FANTASIZED ABOUT US EATING FRENCH FRIES, THEN FUCKING ON THE SAND. I HAD NOT YET LOST MY VIRGINITY, BUT WE HELD HANDS IN MY HIGH SCHOOL’S BLEACHERS, AND CONTINUED HOLDING HANDS UNTIL HE CHEATED ON ME WITH SOMEONE CLOSER TO HIS AGE. PROBABLY SHE WAS A SLUT WHO HELPED HIM EJACULATE. WHICH, IN RETROSPECT, I WISHED I WAS.

BORN IN BLOOD
Lindsay Lerman
8.23.21

THE FIRST TIME I DID MDMA AFTER HAVING A BABY, I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO THIS NIGHT. OR MAYBE IT WAS DAY. THE LABOR TIME. THE NO-TIME. THE ALL-TIME. THE OUTSIDE-TIME. THE TWELVE PLUS HOURS, THE NOT-KNOWING, THE FEELING TOO INTENSELY.

DEATH OF A STRANGER
Tim Kreider
7.5.21

SOME OF MY DISQUIET IS AT HOW LITTLE PERTURBATION A DEATH CAN CAUSE. A HUMAN BEING GONE, A UNIVERSE OBLITERATED, AND JUST ONE ELECTRONIC DEGREE OF SEPERATION AWAY ALL IT OCCATIONS IS “SAD AND WEIRD.”



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