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Part III: Sissy Problems


Part III: Sissy Problems

My mother grew up in a shipping container and dipping her feet in a puddle of mud and rainwater was a favorite past-time of hers. She gave birth to my sister three years before me on July 5 1987. She would tell you now that it was a mistake, a baby brat straight out of the womb.

The first memory I have of her is when I was straddling the living room sofa and she walks in, pretends to be someone else, screams PROMISE ME YOU’LL DELIVER VIOLENCE WITH A MESSAGE she starts laughing with excitement, she starts hitting her head with a hammer, she starts killing bugs to see the blood squirt. When my mother found out she dropped her into the backseat of a minivan and drove straight to the family psychiatrist office. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She would live the rest of her life with the following: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restraint, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, sadness, depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity and thoughts of suicide.


After the diagnosis my mother pleaded with me to watch after her. I was only five years old. Dirty thongs and band aids everywhere grease and lotion stains on the mirror sand on the floor. She liked to pick her nose and eat it. Her favorite book was Harry Potter. She’d read it to me while I took a bath. My mom shoved blueberry Jell-O with cool whip down her throat compulsively so she got diabetes before her first menstrual period.

She attended Villa Walsh Academy, a prestigious all girls school, with the nickname Villa Gorillas, and a reputation for lesbians, Whores on the Hill. One day I rummaged through a notebook under her bed and found this interview:


Interview with a Catholic School Girl


How did you use lose your virginity?
In the basement of my parent’s house I was sixteen years old and the thought of sharing an intimate moment with someone made me nauseous so I went into this pizza shop in Milburn with my best friend her name was Mackenzie I pointed my finger to the man behind the counter he was tall, fair skin, red hair, had freckles. I didn’t know his age. I didn’t know his name. I said “I want this guy to take my virginty” so Mackenzie set it up she told him to meet us at my parent’s house when he got off work. In the meantime we got drunk on Coconut Malibu and O.J at Sean Corlick’s house, this twenty-two-year old we hung out with on the weekends because he had a car and would drive us around.


What ended up happening? Did you find out his name or age? So we gave him my parents address and told him to meet us there when he got off work so he showed up at the back door of my basement at 1am my parents were asleep I brought him to the bathroom in the back room and asked him to stick his dick in me and then eat my pussy after that I told him to leave. I remember Mackenzie yelled at him. He was 26.


What’s your biggest accomplishment? Not being pregnant.


What do you remember about sex ed? We had to take sex ed our freshman year of high school once a week in a hallway with a dirty blue carpet the instructor, Mrs. Sharp, was also our gym teacher, she was at least 50 years old and wore a straw hat.


Did they teach you about safe sex? They taught us about STDS and condoms. I remember we had some kind of text book. They preached absinthe until marriage. But a lot of girls at that time had already been sleeping around and giving blow jobs. There was this one girl, Emmie, who got caught in the bushes giving head to a catholic school boy during a dance. She had big boobs and no ass. I never really liked her.


Did you get an std?
No but I had a rumor spread about me having HPV


Who spread the rumor? Why did they do it? My best friend Mackenzies boyfriend did moments after I told Mackenzie I couldn’t be her friend anymore so they told my crush JD that I had HPV.





Biography: Vodka Vida is from the suburbs of New Jersey. In 2019 she wrote a short story titled Raging Bull about a thirteen year old Catholic school girl who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. The book was released in 2020 by Uncensored New York and turned into an art exhibition at The Royal Society of Art in Brooklyn, New York.


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